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: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat

Relationships are a beautiful thing, well, they can be when mates are dedicated to building a solid foundation. Love of course, is a fantastic precursor, but it also takes time, and a good dose of growing pains. Some weather the storms, others not so much. Those who can’t deal, don’t, and usually find themselves in the arms of someone else who momentarily takes their mind off of the troubles at home. In other words: infidelity.

It seems to me that infidelity, cheating, betrayal — has gone completely wild, so I decided to write a book about it. When I first had the idea to do this I received some interesting feedback. One friend asked, “Are you okay?” He obviously assumed that I must be out of my mind to tackle such a complex subject matter. Another inquired, “What’s gotten into you?” Probably for the same reason as friend number one. Honestly, I just got tired of reading yet another sensational headline about the latest infidelity scandal. It was annoying!

Political figures, captains of industry, devout Christians, A-Z list actors, your Uncle Joe, the local grocer and everyone else in between are susceptible to slipping away from fidelity while in a committed relationship. This issue encompasses every color, creed, class, and intellect. Maserati or turnip truck — infidelity proves to be a great equalizer. It’s quite evident that emotional intelligence and common sense are not mutually inclusive where an impressive I.Q. and worldly accomplishments are concerned. We’ve all heard, know, or have been personally affected by the fall-out from indiscretions. Not pretty.

For the record, I am not an expert, as in a clinical psychologist, or a Ph D in anything (B.A., yes), but having had the experience on both sides of the fence (my ex husband cheated on me and I’ve been the other woman), I speak authentically. I know the struggles. This condition is running amuck in our society. People cheat, move on, leave a tattered trail behind them and repeat the cycle ad nauseam: cheat, repeat, defeat.

Like the rest of us I’ve made mistakes large and small. I’ll undoubtedly continue to blunder in other areas, personal evolution being what it is – ongoing. But, I will not likely compromise my values again. I’m choosing to use my frontal lobe for good. Through my research, I’ve been able to understand infidelity in more ways than I ever thought possible. I’ve had to challenge my preconceived notions and continually push back my boundaries to accommodate the stories, and there are many! Thankfully, I gained eye-opening knowledge.

With lessons learned come awareness and responsibility. Whether you are the recipient of fidelity gone wrong or the one coloring outside the lines, chances are, you are culpable on some level. Innocent parties are rare in these situations. I realize that’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s true. I know, I had that pill stuck in my throat a time or two, or three! I had to acknowledge my part in the demise of my marriage even though my husband was the one who cheated on me. Don’t get me wrong, his actions fell squarely on his shoulders, but mine also contributed to our disconnect; more on that later.

I understand there are not altogether simple solutions for conditions that may prove to be more complicated and outside the scope of everyday thought. We all have a history. Some are more dark than others. Some histories contribute to chronic hesitancy and internal apprehension that prevent one from inner exploration and outward forward motion, which in turn leads to unhealthy patterns; infidelity being one of them. My book does not fully address the multipart, steadfastly rooted backstories that inhibit and sometime cripple personal growth. If you find yourself in this category, seek trained advisors to address these issues, or read books that may prove beneficial as stepping stones toward living a more complete life. Do something; start with baby steps to help release your limitations. Fortunately, a segment of this particular population has overcome deep-seated injuries that stem from a troubled upbringing, abuse, disorders or other debilitating events. These folks have reclaimed themselves through intense self-reflection, self love, faith, mental health counseling, support groups, etc. And, I know you can too. Choose growth. Choose awareness. Choose to be part of the change up. Healthy individuals help create healthy relationships. Truth!


Elda M. Lopez – Author THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat, *Global Ebooks Award nominee310-621-2341 || || ||Skype: elda.lopez56 ||


About the Author

Elda M. LopezElda is a native of Southern California. She was born in Glendale, reared in Lincoln Heights until the age of two and lived in Norwalk thereafter. She left the fold of her loving home at 17, attended Rio Hondo College, studied at the University of Copenhagen, Denmark, and graduated from Whittier College with a B.A. in Theatre Arts. She has led a diverse life due to her exploratory nature in and out of the box. A sampling being: She’s parasailed in Puerto Vallarta, zip lined in Costa Rica, skied the Austrian Alps, swam with stingrays in Moorea, frolicked with dolphins in the Caymans and danced onstage with the Gipsy Kings in Aarhus, Denmark. Her love of travel will keep her crawling around this fascinating planet.
 She worked in the entertainment industry for many years in various capacities: dialogue coach, voice-over, casting, as well as performances on stage, screen and radio. Her primary focus was acting (her first love). She has also taught English in Japan and has tutored Language Arts in the underserved communities within Los Angeles and Orange County. She volunteers for a variety of causes, with an emphasis on children. Her joys are reading, dancing, music, reveling in humor and expanding her horizons externally and internally. She loves, loves, loves flamenco! She currently lives in the Brentwood area of Los Angeles.
Twitter Name: eldamlopez
Facebook Name: The Infideity Factor Points to Ponder Before You Cheat


Format: Paperback Verified Purchase

The (In)Fidelity Factor: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat is a great, bold step in the right direction of expression on a subject matter that is most likely at this juncture in our society politically incorrect, in a world where it is just easier to put self first and go with what we feel, to our own justifications. The book challenges folks to go into relationships with the hard task of being faithful and staying faithful and committed to the married or non-marital relationship. The message does not suggest that people cannot break up, or that relationships never end in divorce, but challenges the reader towards respect and honesty towards the other person, as well as an honest search and reflection towards oneself and one’s inner attitudes and motivations. The (In)Fidelity Factor: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat is a book that one can read even after the infidelity has taken place. It is a thorough review of every angle of cheating behavior, with stories and discussion of the motivations, ramifications and results of infidelity. There is not a whole lot written on the subject, but Ms. Lopez takes on this gutsy topic and challenges us to move away from the norm of our relationship society today and be different, and as a result, better human beings. Be part of the change-up! is her challenge! More should be written on the subject.


Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase

Ms. Lopez has written an entertaining, well researched addition to the body of self help and relationship mending literature. Her writing style is conversational and witty and she deals with a potentially grim subject in a fairly lighthearted and humorous manner while citing the high costs of infidelity on a personal and societal level. Anyone who has been tempted to cheat, has already given into the temptation or has been on the other side of the equation should read The (IN)Fidelity Factor for help with this potentially devastating situation. You may not agree with every point Lopez makes but her passionate treatment of the subject is well worth the read.


Format: Paperback

After reading The (In)fidelity Factor, I am enlightened with a better understanding of this everyday topic dealing with harsh circumstances in a relationship, which is often discussed on the down low. Elda’s insights are very inspiring as she takes a tough topic and presents it unique light that is easy to relate to and written passionately from the heart. I highly recommend this work of art to those who are looking to find answers and realistic options when dealing with infidelity and relationships, as well as those who would like to be further educated on the topics. Great read!


Format: Kindle Edition

Elda Lopez writes on a very important subject for our times. Our culture and media seems to have “normalized” cheating which is dishonest and wrong. Elda helps the reader to understand why partners may cheat on each other and question to ask themselves before they do. It is an excellent book that can be read quickly to help all people in relationships to take a minute and really question if cheating is the answer to their problems.


Format: Kindle Edition

Elda Lopez presents a concise and yet thorough portrait of the world of cheating and its ramifications, bolstered by statistics, interviews, sources for help, humor, and her own experiences. It’s a quick, cautionary, informative and entertaining read. So, before you put your relationship in jeopardy, be smart and pick up this book and learn why fidelity is the far better option.


Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase

This book is useful for all aspects of life and not just intimate relationships. Ms. Lopez ads a humorous look at this serious subject. The animal comparisons are humorous as well. The points to ponder are just that. This is a clever book that I do recommend to anyone and everyone.


Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase

A very thoughtful and insightful look into a sensitive but all too common problem. This book weaves together research and discussion about infidelity with personal narrative to create a thought-provoking and sometimes humorous look at what goes on (or doesn’t) inside our heads before we commit an act of infidelity and what some of the repercussions could be.
THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR by Elda M. Lopez is available on



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